19
I remember being in love. I remember seeing the face of the girl I liked and instantly becoming nervous, hands start to sweat, anything I'm wearing suddenly sits awkwardly, my stride and posture must make me look like a gremlin.
I could never talk to her could I?
But then we talk, I can't remember about what.
She liked me she said. Nothing in the world mattered any longer.
Life stripped to the bare, I must make sure to be there for her, I must make sure to keep us fed, I must make sure to prioritize life.
No longer was the new gadget the goal for earning money. No longer did I wake up in the morning, eat, workout, study, work for only myself. I did it to have a life together with the woman I loved.
I don't know how to talk to people, I can't reason the same way as others can. I do not feel empathy nor sympathy in a way that "one should".
How can I connect with people to find someone new to love when I'm unable to start conversations, unable to connect?
I miss waking up and seeing her face, kissing her lips, her cheeks, her forehead.
I miss reaching over to feel her soft skin under my fingertips, to hold her hand, to hug her.
I miss listening to her complain about her day, having discussions about life and philosophy, spending hours in silence in her company.